One day a few years ago, I was listening to a talk radio program similar to Focus on the Family, where they have a guest who had written a book or had some amazing testimony. The guest was a woman (Sonia Jacobs?) who years ago, along with her husband had been convicted of a murder they didn’t commit and they were subsequently sentenced to death. As I recall the story (and I could me misremembering some facts) both of them went through years of appeals to no avail and eventually the husband was executed. After this some facts that would exonerate both of them were uncovered. At this point the woman’s death sentence was commuted, but she remained in prison. Some years later the evidence was looked at and she won her appeal and release from prison, fully exonerated. However, the damage had already been done; her husband executed and the prime years of her life wasted away in prison. After telling her story and answering some questions about it, she was asked by the radio host asked how she was able to find it in her heart to forgive.
Good question! How could one possibly find a way to forgive anyone, let alone God for such a terrible and extreme injustice? Though I don’t recall everything she said I do recall one thing. She said she found that she has to revisit forgiveness.” I was intrigued by her answer and I’ve often thought about it, but I’ve never really analyzed the idea until recently. The question that comes to my mind is: if you forgive those who wrong you in some way, why would you have to revisit forgiveness? When God forgave us, did he not cast our sin into the depths of the sea? Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea. (Micah 7:18-19)
Again, I’ve never had something as horrific as the above example happen to me, but like anyone, I’ve had my share of injustices, including a mean and abusive Dad. After spending the majority of my adult life hating him for his mistreatment of me, I made a trip home to Ohio in June 2000 for the purpose of forgiving him. The only hitch was that my Dad was in the final stage of Alzheimer’s disease and would have no clue that I was even there. I went to the nursing home and spoke the words of forgiveness out loud. However, I don’t think that in my heart I truly forgave him and here’s why I say that.
Over the next few years, each time I had thoughts about my Dad and my childhood I would become angry. I continued to blame my current difficulties on my mistreatment by him. It wasn’t until spring of 2004 during a one on one talk with God that I let it go. He reminded me that His forgiveness of me was neither conditional nor temporary. Christ went to the cross so that we might all be forgiven permanently. God doesn’t “revisit” forgiveness nor does he ever remind us of our old sins. It’s just done and over with!
So the lesson for me is that if I find myself “revisiting” forgiveness, then I need to examine my heart and ask God to help me forgive permanently just as He does. I can now have memories of my Dad with a heart of total forgiveness. I no longer “rehash” the mistreatment. God gave me His eyes through which to see my Dad. Too bad it was well after my Dad was gone.
I have some issues with the way my father treated me, too. He was a war veteran and as a child he experienced serious poverty during the Great Depression. It caused some damage which came out in his treatment of his sons. But just as you say, it is something that we have to forgive. It was shown to me that forgiveness is sometimes what we have to do to protect ourselves against destructive bitterness. And we need, as you say, the help of God in forgiving. Corrie Ten Boom described her meeting with a German who had once been a concentration camp guard - she remembered him from there. And when he asked her forgiveness, she found it hard because of the appalling memories. But she called on and felt the power of God enabling her to do so. And once done, it is finished with forever. The woman you mention has a wretched story to tell, and a terrible burden to live with. Only God could enable someone to cope with that. I'm glad I read this post, because it speaks to me personally. Well said!
ReplyDeleteI also know these feelings all too well myself. What I have learned about hatred and resentment is that they do more harm to me than to the people they are directed at. I have also found that forgiveness brings to me a better understanding of God’s love. When I forgive, I gain a glance into the wretchedness of my own sin and the amazing grace that covers it.
ReplyDeleteMany times I find myself powerless to forgive. So, instead of trying in my own power to forgive those who have wronged me, I continually find myself on my knees asking God to put His love in my heart for a person. I find the power of God to be more powerful than my pathetic attempt to harness some sort of will power.
Thanks for sharing this blog. It’s always good to stop and ponder if we hold anything in our hearts that is opposed to God.